I realise that I my existance is birfurcated into the past and the future where the present moves more like the the seconds arm of a watch ... perhaps our consciousness is but a the moving target!?!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Monday, October 04, 2004
My heads been tormented by the emotional tsunamis of my past deeds all in one day ... funny what seems natural to me sounds dangerous to others ..and point is does feedback on that suggest that I change myself? For what? Why? valid questions these but I guess its quite hard to put a finger on it and form an opinion especially when you aren't too sure of what been happening and hey there is no need to rush things right?
But but but this has resulted in the emergence of a few basic concerns -
1) who am I in the whole equation?
2) Is something esle happening than what is well ideally supposed to happen between the 'two' instead of 'any two'?
3) where is 'this' going?
One thing that hit me was that the lead was taken by another when I was eager to let things happen naturally - well dunno if the space attracted another into the scene and well and accident happened? Or am I just assuming a lot of things?
I feel that the scene is over populated and is getting real dense for comprehension ... its is getting real blurred as clarity is absent and perhaps that I'm reacting with my version of disconnect ... that's what is happening ...there really isn't any direction besides gravity and a round trip to Bangalore.
Point is I really have to clarify things for the good ... for the very sake of this relationship ... without hurting anyone and of course without being un-true about it in any sense.
Well these are my thoughts for now - hope I haven't missed a thing or if I do then I hope that it crystallizes into something clearer and helps me to understand the relationship in a better light.
... and I have to learn to watch my tongue and start getting those thoughts inside me - thinking out loud is getting me into more than trouble .... its giving the wrong picture to others : ( which means more damage control.
so until then I hope she takes a call on the relationship and brings some clarity into the scene while the coin falls down into a decision.
1:22 AM
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